Still Lost

Hey everyone! I know its been a long time since I wrote anything, but I did promise to keep writing, so I can’t really turn back now, can I?

Things are going well in Chapel Hill. I’m living with a good family friend of Mom’s at the moment, here in Raleigh, while I commute to classes each day in the morning. This semester, my classes are mostly computer science, with a little math mixed in. I’m also taking two PE courses (which are a graduation requirement). The first PE is fencing, which I’ve always had an interest in learning, and which has been very fun so far. The second is Downhill Skiing, which is not really a class at all, but a 5 day vacation in Boone sometime around New Years. The other classes are difficult to explain. They’re mostly just high maths, as well as explanations of the way that computers work on the inside.

My real thoughts now are on graduate school. I have to start applying soon if I want to go. What I’m really interested in is going abroad again for grad school. Back to Japan? Maybe so. Some other colleagues I spoke to for advice thought that Europe might be nice, and that European Graduate schools pay resident students much better than American schools. So, what to do? Any advice or opinions are welcome–especially if you can write a good letter of recommendation to a particular school ^_^.

I hope you are all doing well, and thanks for taking the time to keep checking back on me here. I’ll try to get back into the habit of bi-weekly writing at least. Love you all,

-Brad

This is the last post I’ll write before leaving Japan. That’s an excellent opening line for the topic at hand–finality.

I feel like a chapter of life is closing, and a new one is opening before me. Somehow, it feels like I should resist the change, and grasp onto the short threads of my time here and delay coming, but instead I just accept it. Perhaps that’s what maturity means? Somehow it feels too much like callousness. I realize that today I said goodbye to many people that I won’t see ever again, but I don’t feel sad about it. I waved goodbye as usual, just like any other day, and said “See you later”. It’s a feeling of finality, but not of regret.

I know God wants us to be happy because He never tells us when and where we will die. As humans with mortal lives, we somehow manage to live each day as though we were going to live on forever. This isn’t folly–it’s the only way to survive this world. I appreciate not knowing what tomorrow will bring–good or bad, and have resolved not to worry over it. Knowing when you will have to say goodbye is a worse burden than leaving.
Wow, that sounded really ominous ^_^;;

But it’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. This is the last time I can do X, or see Y, or talk to Z… but really, anytime could be the last time, so why treat this last time as anything special–or even better, why not treat every time as something special? We just have to take things as they come. As this adventure closes, I can put another book of good memories on my stack of collected experiences, and another trophy of lessons learned on my shelf. The best part, however, is knowing that the next adventure is about to begin!

But enough about Goodbye’s… I’m looking forward to Welcome Home’s! See you all in two days!

It’s the rainy season in Japan, and the sky doesn’t have that familiar carolina blue anymore. A constant blanket of clouds ranging from white to dark gray menaces over the country, threatening to shower down at any moment–but naturally only on the days when you forget your umbrella. Despite that, the temperature continues to heat up. We keep every door and window in the house open constantly, even through the night–our only salvation is the whirring electric fans in bedrooms and the living room.

Despite the picture I’m painting, life isn’t too bad here. It’s the way we live, but its not a bad lifestyle. I feel really close to the outside world, even sitting here in my room, as a cool breeze eases up the summer heat a bit. Recently, I’ve been preparing for next week’s finals (I’m actually studying Kanji even as I write this), as well as packing to go. I sent out a few boxes last week–mostly souvenirs, including Mom and Maggie’s kimonos, as well as the manga I’ve accumulated on my trip. Because of this, it looks like I’ll have enough room in my suitcases for most things. The one trouble point will be the scanner mom sent for my birthday–I love it so, but I worry it will get banged up in my suitcase.

I hope all of you are doing well, and enjoying your summer holidays as much as I am. Take care!

I’m soon to return home–only a few weeks now. With my flight set for the 19th of July, I suddenly feel as though a whole year has rushed by. I guess time really does skip by when you’re having fun. While it’s going to be great to see friends and family again, I suddenly have this deep-seated feeling that I haven’t gotten to know many of my Japanese friends as well as I wanted to. Alas, I suppose that’s the situation we’re in our whole lives–there’s never the time or opportunity to do all the things we wanted.

When I was a kid, my wildest fantasy was to be able to live many different lives–to be born and live and die as every profession, in every country and race and situation, and collect a vast wealth of memories and experiences. Naturally, that sort of thing is beyond impossible–we are given only so many opportunities, and we can only ever choose one path from the myriad that exist. We may even be cheated out of that choice, since we humans are so easily influenced by others. Perhaps life is more like a railroad than an adventure, but I don’t like that idea, so I’ll just deny it.

Anyway, I can’t wait to see all of the family, and I’m planning a big party with lots of real Japanese food (ie, the things we actually eat here, like Yakiniku and Udon, not sushi and pocky). I’m also looking forward to the annual men’s party down at Uncle William’s place, where there will inevitably be prosciutto, that really tasty bread, and other foods I can’t pronounce, plus a good chance to catch up on events and the like.

To my friends at Chapel Hill, I can’t wait to get back and see how the town has changed. We’ll have to set up another movie outing or something soon. I’ve also put a little work into developing some new card games (not to the detriment of my studies, naturally) which I’m eager to test out on my friends (read “guinea pigs”) in the Carolina Gaming Club. Just be wary.

So, all that to say this: See you in three weeks! 

Due to an outbreak of the measles, Kangaku has quarantined the entire campus for two weeks, starting last Monday, giving all of us a good break from work. Naturally, we’re not completely off the hook, however, as teachers are sending us homework and reviews for the tests we will certainly have when we return. The break has a been a good chance for me to get things in order for returning home, as well as to do alot of last minute souvenir shopping.

A few weeks ago, I also managed to go to Hiroshima with a friend’s family, and see the atomic bomb memorial. It was an amazing, yet somber place. The whole experience is really rather difficult to express with mere words, but it is somewhere that no one should live without seeing. The monument is not dedicated to armed forces that died, or to patriotic sacrifice for a nation like an American memorial might be–it is a monolith lamenting the injustice of civilians and children cruelly killed by a war they neither wished for nor fought in. It was truly a tragic place, a reminder of the injustices of the world. However, the rebuilt Hiroshima is a real modern city, and the monument as well rings with a hope of future peace and reconstruction–the hope for a world where such injustices are only a dream of the past. If you saw it, you could not help but agree.

We’ve also done a little summer shopping, the family and I, and  picked up a set of Yukatas (Japanese Summer Kimonos) for myself, Mom, and Maggie. They’re a bit of a hassle to put on, but very cool and comfortable–a fun way to lounge around during the hot summer months here in Japan.
This coming Sunday, I’ll be taking a train out to Osaka to go and visit Comic Communication, a small comic convention in the local area where I live. I expect it to be similar to Comiket in Tokyo, though perhaps a little smaller in scale.

Homecoming is drawing ever closer, and I look forward to seeing you all again. Take care!

I’m finally famous for my work in Computer Science! Yay!

Here’s our research paper-> http://cs.unc.edu/~mordohai/public/UNC-UKY_UrbanReconstuction07.pdf

I’m on the author list. Double yay!

I didn’t realize how long its been since I last posted a blog entry. As they say, no news is good news. I’ve been really busy with classes and in visiting friends, so the time has flown by without my notice.

Today is Mother’s day, so I want to say a special “I love you” to Mom, Sheila, Mawmaw, and Nana. I hope you all get a chance to read this, and I hope that all of you have a great day today.

As far as news for me, I happened to go down to a museum in Takarazuka (the “downtown” area of our city), which was showcasing the works of one of Japan’s most famous manga artists, Tezuka Osamu (look up http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osamu_Tezuka, for more information) who is the creator of some of Japan’s most famous children’s comics, and often referred to as “the Walt Disney of Japan”. The museum was alot of fun, and I got a chance to see how comics were written back in the old days (which really isn’t much different than today).

I also went to see the new Spider Man movie at the local theater in Osaka. I liked the movie myself, but naturally there were differing opinions among my friends and I as to how good it really was. In the theater, the movie was subtitled, so as we watched, we were able to see some of the Japanese translations below. It seems like Japanese isn’t as expressive as English, since the words and phrases shown did not convey the full emotion or meaning of what was being said in English.

Other than that, I managed to borrow a very fun and interesting video game from my friend, called “Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan!” [Go! Fight! Cheer Brigade!] which is about a group of Japanese male cheerleaders. When people have some sort of problem, they call out for Ouendan (the squad’s name) and suddenly three male cheerleaders, dressed in black, appear and begin to cheer them on. If your cheering is good enough, you can inspire the people to find the power within themselves to overcome their problems. The stages start simply enough, by helping a student to study harder and pass his exams. However, by the end of the game, you are traveling back in time to help build pyramids, and even saving the world from a cataclysmic meteor, all through the power of cheerleading.

I’ve had various comments about the name of the Blog, and now running title of every post as well, “Still Lost”.

What does “Still Lost” mean? Do you think that you have no home? Nowhere to turn to? That you’re alone, or afraid? This isn’t at all what I meant when I chose the name “Still Lost” for this blog. I’m certainly not lost in any of these senses–I have the securities and belonging of close friends, a loving family, and my own confidence. While sometimes the awesomeness of the world is stunning, and even frightening, I don’t worry that anything might go wrong–whether for better or worse, I can’t say. ^_^;;

As to the real meaning of “Still Lost”, I’ll quote an email correspondence I exchanged with Aunt Ann:

As for the name of the blog, I’m leaning towards leaving it as “Still Lost” While the title has some negative connotations in the minds of people, I don’t think “Lost” is a necessarily bad state. To be lost can be a frustrating or interesting experience, depending on how you interpret the situation you find yourself in. In the end, I think that I came to Japan so that I could get lost–lost in culture, language, and experience. To that end, I think that “Still Lost” embodies the feeling of “being on an adventure where your destination is still unknown.” In my mind, at least, there is no path, no found–just the wide world to lose oneself in.

So, that’s my basic feeling about the whole thing.

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On Easter Sunday, the family and I went for a traditional Japanese outing known as “Hanami“, or “Flower Viewing”. This was an “event” not so much in the sense of a large gathering of people (like Comiket), but a ritual that Japanese families perform each year (like Spring Cleaning).

Each year at the beginning of Spring, Cherry Trees, or “Sakura“, come into bloom all over Japan. Traditional Japanese families picnic under the blooming trees, drinking Sake and composing Haikus (traditional Japanese poetry). Our family, who is not so traditional, had the picnic at least, in a local park. The sun was bright, the air was clean–even in the middle of a city, one can feel quite close to the beauty of nature.

With each breeze of the wind, a torrent of flower petals would rain down over our picnic (a tasty box lunch which Host Mother Yuki-san prepared herself). After lunch, I played with the children, while the adults went for a walk together. For them, the experience was much more meditative than we children could have grasped. Even if it is somewhat ethereal, the act of following traditions keeps us in touch with our roots and culture–much like Easter Egg hunts or an Easter Church service (though the Hanami isn’t at all a religious event).

I want to thank all of you for keeping in touch and reading even after my long absence. I promise not to leave such a gap between my writings again. I think of all of you–distant and close family, friends from college, my friends in Fayetteville, and even my colleagues in the CS department at UNC–constantly and fondly.

Why is it still cold here? It’s April, yet it’s certainly below 10 degrees (Celsius) here in my room. I really miss my family, friends, and Dominos Pizza, but I think what I miss the most about America is central heating. You can’t imagine how hard it is to crawl out of bed in the morning and face that kind of cold. Still, I’ll make it somehow. Hopefully the weather will turn in my favor soon.

As for your comments about MacDonald’s, the Japanese MacDonald’s is better than its American restaurant for several reasons:

• It’s super-clean and sparkly. You could eat off of the tables and not get sick (haven’t tried this, but my host brothers have).
• The Staff are nice. But no, they don’t speak my language, unfortunately. They are also rather clean, without any weird tattoos or piercings or such. You really feel like they’re happy to have you visit (and they all greet you with a cheerful “Irrashaimasse!” when you walk in).
• The quality of food is better. It’s a little more expensive, and a little smaller, but the food has a better quality, which is important. Japanese spend more money on food than Americans, on average. Quality of taste and presentation has a better value than the size of the meal (look at sushi, for instance).

In Japanese restaurants and other places where you, the customer, are being served, Japanese stores make every effort to let you feel as special and at home as possible. They use honorific vocabulary, and refer to the customer using “Okyaku-sama” (”Lord Customer”, in rough translation). The whole experience is very friendly and appeasing. However, since Keigo (honorific language) is not something we use every day, it is sometimes a bit of a hang-up for me when communicating. Oh well.
Store clerks and other such jobs are not “minimum wage” employments worked by people who cannot do anything else–they are positions that are seen as stepping stones to the next level of a corporation (like getting to management or sales), or as a pastime to get some extra cash while studying in college or high school. In Japan, such work is generally treated much more carefully than in America. I’ve rarely if ever seen a slacking or unenthusiastic store clerk here.